Friday, July 13, 2007

The Beasts of Basra


According to the good people of Basra, Iraq; the nefarious British Army has unleashed an evil new weapon in an effort to sow panic amid the populous:
Badgers.
BADGERS?!
Well, never let it be said that the Iraqis were unoriginal in their claims.
Yes, the Blighty Battalions are being blamed for the appearance of a vicious breed of the beastie near their headquarters and surrounding area.
Were it any other nation’s military that the accusations were being hurled at, I’d say they were absurd. But history tells us that absurdity is what the British forces do best, and I’m not about to put badger-deployment past them.
What I must question, though, is the eyewitness statements of these “ferocious” animals at work.
One Iraqi farmer stated that he had watched one of the badgers eat an entire cow.
What?!
I don’t claim to be a badger expert in any shape or form, but I did catch a few episodes of Springwatch earlier in the year and I don’t recall the badger-obsessed Bill Oddie ever mentioning the critters having a penchant for cattle decimation.
Perhaps the boffins at Special Weapons have developed some sort of Super Badger?
God, I hope not.
Every time they’ve tried to use animals in warfare it’s always gone horribly, horribly wrong.
The time they tied bombs to bats, for example. During the second world war they hoped that said nocturnal nightmares would flap their way over to German hangers and explode their planes….forgetting the fact that one hanger is just the same as another to a bat….only the British ones were closer.
Or what about the infamous dolphins? Trained for months to stick limpet mines to enemy ships and when released into the open waters for the first time….they drop the explosives and fek off.
People, specifically military people, tend to underestimate “lesser” animals’ desire not to get blown to bits and it’s very hard not to admire their care-free attitude.
Animals simply sit on the sidelines of war, not giving a hoot who wins or loses. They just point and laugh as another stupid human gets his leg blown off.
And then they eat him.

13 comments:

Toshiro said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Toshiro said...

Maybe they should look into using cats for warfare.
As they are the most cooperative of them all.

Toa_Onua said...

HEY, I liked, the drawings of the end, and in special the amazon, you draw very well, follows doing.
can you make a draw of KAT with big boobs? seria interesante verlo

Kyle Miller said...

Oh you Brits. Needless to say, we don't need no steenking badgers! :)

(BTW, you might want to turn on word verification on your blog - I've found it cuts down on the spam).

Matthew said...

I like badgers little cute fluffy things.
Good art as always jj :).

mje

John said...

damit, someone beat me to the punch on the UHF quote... nonetheless "BADGERS?! We don't need no STINKING badgers!!"

...also, don't forget, "the turtle is nature's suction cup."

John said...

damit, someone beat me to the punch on the UHF quote... nonetheless "BADGERS?! We don't need no STINKING badgers!!"

...also, don't forget, "the turtle is nature's suction cup."

Tony said...

(*laughing hysterically*)

That's totally hilarious. I've known badgers to be rather nasty, but seriously, an entire cow? That's just laughable. Yeah, there's a reason for their next suicide bombings.
"It has come to conclusion that the British empire and their kingdom has launched a terroristic assault on the Iraqi Alliance via the consumption of our cows. We must strike with the force of heaven with our own camels. The camels will consume all of their notorious biscuits and counterattack the ferocious cow-hungry badgers as the front-line force of the Iraqi Military."

Now there's a speech to make Bush blush. But of course, president humor has declined a bit since he started being a good sport and cracked several small jokes himself. There goes the fun! (*laughing*)

Constanza said...

It's a badger-badger-badger-badger-badger-badger-badger-badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!!!!

Hey! I know next time also add some Snakes! Snake!!.... Oh! it's a snaaaake!!!

Michael said...

If animals were smart, they'd help the side that wants to build nature preserves, and fight back against the side that wants to kill them and powder their gonads to make aphrodisiacs.

Sadly, animals are stupid, and actually prefer to kill and eat the hippies that want to protect them, while letting the poachers (who, for all their faults, do actually know how animal minds work) pass unmolested.

Seamusdubh said...

Aaahhh, the wonderfully eternal joke that Military Intelligence in an oxymoron.
I remember awhile back when the Army tried to recruit me they couldn't under stand why I started snickering when they said I could work for Military Intelligence.
It doesn't matter who's country they belong to.
Just look back at the beginning of the whole situation over in Iraq.
The Information Secretary was blatantly attempting to misinform the world, through the media present with him, that the US troops were simply killing themselves. Mind you that it was more of a governmental propaganda engine, but it was still military run. A man standing before the world saying 'ignore what's being said elsewhere and what's going on behind me what I say is correct.'

LurkerBob said...

There is more to the badger than meets the eye. http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Big+Ass+Badgers/

Kris said...

Not just the Iraqis who are a bit paranoid. Squirrels an an even bigger threat in Iran...

http://tinyurl.com/2cw7hk