Friday, July 13, 2007
The Beasts of Basra
According to the good people of Basra, Iraq; the nefarious British Army has unleashed an evil new weapon in an effort to sow panic amid the populous:
Well, never let it be said that the Iraqis were unoriginal in their claims.
Yes, the Blighty Battalions are being blamed for the appearance of a vicious breed of the beastie near their headquarters and surrounding area.
Were it any other nation’s military that the accusations were being hurled at, I’d say they were absurd. But history tells us that absurdity is what the British forces do best, and I’m not about to put badger-deployment past them.
What I must question, though, is the eyewitness statements of these “ferocious” animals at work.
One Iraqi farmer stated that he had watched one of the badgers eat an entire cow.
I don’t claim to be a badger expert in any shape or form, but I did catch a few episodes of Springwatch earlier in the year and I don’t recall the badger-obsessed Bill Oddie ever mentioning the critters having a penchant for cattle decimation.
Perhaps the boffins at Special Weapons have developed some sort of Super Badger?
God, I hope not.
Every time they’ve tried to use animals in warfare it’s always gone horribly, horribly wrong.
The time they tied bombs to bats, for example. During the second world war they hoped that said nocturnal nightmares would flap their way over to German hangers and explode their planes….forgetting the fact that one hanger is just the same as another to a bat….only the British ones were closer.
Or what about the infamous dolphins? Trained for months to stick limpet mines to enemy ships and when released into the open waters for the first time….they drop the explosives and fek off.
People, specifically military people, tend to underestimate “lesser” animals’ desire not to get blown to bits and it’s very hard not to admire their care-free attitude.
Animals simply sit on the sidelines of war, not giving a hoot who wins or loses. They just point and laugh as another stupid human gets his leg blown off.
And then they eat him.