Friday, August 31, 2007

Over Hype

There are a number of clues, warnings really, that hint at the quality of a product, and should be noted before you even bother taking it off the shelf.
The first is straight out of Spaceballs. If said product bears the label; “[popular franchise] the [product]”, then stay away from it at all costs. [popular franchise] The Video Game was thrown together in 3 months and plays like a turd, while [popular franchise] The Chocolate bar tastes of equal quality. They ooze cheapness from every pore and reek the foul stench of greedy marketing groups (a scent that seems a cross between rotting fruit and public toilets).
Hype is the second warning as to the shoddy quality of a product, especially when said product is either a film or a game. More often than not, if something bares the words ‘Critically acclaimed’, you should treat it as toxic and not go near it (or, at the very least, be prepared to vomit uncontrollably or break out in a rash if you DO choose to ingest).
On its release, ‘The Blair witch Project’ was hailed as the scariest film of all time. When I first watched it, I was expecting to see something so terrifying, so utterly horrific that I’d either leave an irremovable stain on the seat or collapse in a fearful, gibbering heap….or both. An hour and a bit later and all I’d seen was a lot of shaky footage, twigs and a retard that films herself washing her hands.
Disappointing.
‘Halo’ has been called “genre defining” and “the greatest game ever made” since its release. I’d not played it when it first appeared as I couldn’t get planning permission to install an Xbox in my home, but, in the last week I finally got ‘round to giving the king of console shooters a blast. What did I get for 8 hours play? A cliché story (evil aliens that take control of and mutate a host? Oh, no, THAT’s never been done before), levels so bland and repetitive that little glowing arrows had to be placed on the floor to prevent you from unwittingly going round and round in circles and then; back tracking. Lots and lots of backtracking.
And what the hell was that obstacle course at the end of the game all about?! How much more out of place could that actually be? They couldn’t disguise it to make it look just a little bit like it BELONGED on an intergalactic battleship?!
‘Halo 2’ is said by reviewers not to be as good as the original.
I think I’ll give it a miss.
Hype leads to disappointment. What you get in the end is never what you hoped for. Never waste time on something that has been built up and up. Always go on reputation as that’s EARNED, not fabricated.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Actually, I though Halo was crap.....

Played it for the first time over the weekend and completed it. I now feel compelled to write to Bungie, demanding my time back.....

And, completely unrelated: a nekkid chick in a mascot costume.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Soopa Scarlet

....and other doodles.


Friday, August 17, 2007

Chloe Comic - Lulu screwed up.

Well....that didn't last long.
For some reason, the Chloe comic has vanished from Lulu. I'll look into why.
This is why I've not put section up on Curios for this comic: I needed to test out the method of distribution.
Always assume the internet-based services you're using are inept until they prove otherwise.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Angel International

Episode 1 of the Chloe Comic is now available through Lulu.com as a PDF.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Chloe Comic - Teaser

Nearly finished the first 13 page installment.
It's going to be very 'Saturday Morning Cartoon'......
Page 1
Page 2
Page 3
Page 4
And some other doodles:


Thursday, August 9, 2007

A Newer Nightmare.

I’ve been pondering how a horror character that has become decidedly non-threatening could be redesigned to once again scare the sh*t out of people.
Probably shouldn’t waste my time, though. Wouldn’t know who to send such material to.

And here's some less creepy stuff:


Monday, August 6, 2007

Pip Raider


The Aliens probe......

More shameless boobage.

And, of course, a pic of Chloe. Can't have a day without Chloe!

Friday, August 3, 2007

Clean Land Rovers

I don’t like being on the road. If I can, I walk from A to B, because I know that the people with whom I share the pavement have far more control of direction and better grasp of spatial awareness those with which I share the tarmac.
This is another reason why I love my scooter; Its size and manoeuvrability keep me safe from the poorly driven cars, vans and trucks that stalk the land between my home and place of employment.
No, a scooter doesn’t have a roll-cage, air-bags or cup-holders and yes, if I did get hit (god forbid) I would most likely be transported to the morgue in a jar, but if I can see trouble; with a scooter I can avoid it.
If I see it.
Riding home yesterday I was almost force-fed an off-roader as it emerged, with speed, from a concealed dirt track onto the road.
Had I been on 4 wheels rather than 2, the entire passenger side of the car would have ended up wedged between the opposing vehicle’s absurdly shiny chrome bull-bars and its radiator.
Which would have been annoying.
I don’t trust or like other road users much, but there are certain drivers that I hold a particular fear and loathing of: those that travel in clean Land Rovers.
Like the one that jumped out from behind a hedge and made me poo a little.
I specify clean because dirty Land Rovers (or any other type of off-road vehicle) have a different breed of driver at the wheel.
If the chasse of the machine is encrusted with mud, cow manure and the rotting remains of small (but slow) woodland animals, it’s a sign that it’s used for its intended purpose, and used regularly.
Therefore, the driver knows how to use it and not kill people.
The drivers of clean Land Rovers are the exact opposite. They don’t know how large their vehicle is, they don’t know how much power is under the bonnet and they don’t care if they hit anything smaller than them as they’re well aware that both they and the over-priced Marks & Spencer food they just popped out to buy will survive the impact without a scratch.
A clean Land Rover is naught but a status symbol. Forget super cars; for men, off-roaders are true extensions of the Magic Love Truncheon, and for women, they scream “I am Queen Bee! Get the fek out of my way!”
You could only get more obvious if you stuck your head out the window and shouted “Look! Look how BIG I am!”
Such individuals should not be allowed on the roads at all, let alone be given charge of a turbo-charged tonnage of metal to throw around the countryside.
Are you one of these people?
Are you a potential agent of Death?
Are you a git?
A simple test will give you an answer: Go outside. Look at your Land Rover. Is it dirty from a day at work? If not; you don’t need it, and neither do the poor souls you share the road with.
Get a smaller car, you poser.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Mobile Denizens

Vroom.

And a couple of pics I was commissioned to do:

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Bugs.

Always a source of fascination.